Campusalam

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Here are some tips you might use to prepare for a difficult conversation.

- Have some aim or goal in mind. Keep it realistic. Know where you want to get to. Don’t intervene or challenge ‘on principle’ or for it’s own sake. If you don’t know the right thing to achieve or the right way to achieve it, don’t start. Wait until you know.

- Work out different strategies and techniques you might use, things you might say. Use Campusalam techniques on the left.

- Do a mental rehearsal – actually imagine yourself doing it. You’re more likely to remember your wide range of options, and you’ll feel and seem more natural when you do them.

- Know what your own limits and boundaries are. What will or won’t you accept? Try to fill in the blanks in these sentences: ‘I don’t mind … but not …’ ‘Anything would be fine as long as …’

- Keep your own emotions calm and under control. Practice calming yourself: use deep, slow breathing or relax your muscles physically. Remind yourself that this really isn’t about you so don’t take it personally. Anything aggressive said to you is not the real truth about you.

- Build rapport with the person from the beginning. Help them to feel you understand, you’re on their side, you’re willing to support them. Use relaxed, positive, friendly body language and tone of voice. This does not mean meek or submissive; it means calm and confident.

- Listen to understand. Keep listening, and asking non-confrontational questions, until you do understand.

- Speak to have a positive effect. Don’t speak to express yourself, vent your feelings, get things off your chest. Do that before or after with a trusted friend.

- Know when to stop! Match your strength or persistence to the person’s sensitivity. Don’t be heavy-handed and don’t keep going on when you’ve achieved you aim. You’ll only start to arouse emotion again and provoke their resistance or resentment.