Campusalam

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…and who gets to decide?

People see things powerfully from their own perspective, quite sincerely. The more emotional they are, the less they doubt themselves and the more certain they become that they are right.

You’re playing a losing game when you argue over whose version is true. The more people fight over that, the more emotional they become, and the less able they are to see a situation objectively. Then there’s no chance they can see or acknowledge the most challenging aspects of the truth…which is usually ourselves.

As long as people are in conflict, avoid debating over ‘the truth’ or the ‘true version’. Use different ways of talking: speak of people’s ‘perspectives’ or ‘two sides of the story’. See if you can find a good metaphor: the more positive, the better.

‘We each have our own story to tell and that’s important. Let’s just take a little time to hear each person’s story without interrupting them, and listen until we understand.’

‘Each of us has a different window looking out on the situation, and each window’s perspective is unique. If we each contribute what we see from our own window, together will have the whole picture.’

Tell a good story that gets this point across. The five blind men and the elephant is a classic one, but maybe you can think of something more original.

If you have to raise an issue with someone, it’s best not to do it in front of an audience. Create an appropriate setting. Always allow the person to save face.