How to take the heat out

The first thing to do is to make sure that you stay calm yourself. Of course you don't want to join in a fight. And if you are feeling worked up yourself inside, you are not giving yourself full access to your own thinking brain to solve this problem! You can help yourself stay calm physically by taking a few deep, slow breaths and relaxing any muscles that have tensed up. You can help yourself mentally by remembering that this is not personal to you and it is not your fault.

Here are some tips - and check out the section on communication next.

- Stay calm and objective yourself
- Remain pleasant and respectful, treating everyone equally
- Moderate the discussion to prevent others from driving up the emotional temperature
- When in doubt, summarise
- Identify the real points at issue and make it less personal
- Use calming, impersonal language techniques
- Move the discussion on to a positive angle on the question, or another subject
- Switch to an activity that will distract from the point of contention, and start to engage the thinking brain instead
- Use humour carefully to reduce tension, but not if it will wind someone up or offend them
- Tell a story that seems irrelevant – but maybe isn't

If all else fails – call for a tea break! That will let people calm down; it allows you to speak to the individuals privately and constructively; and it lets you make a fresh start in a more positive direction after the break.

Anything you can add to this list?