Sometimes it helps first to get clear in your own mind what your limits are, for example, you may want to have a thoughtful and wide-ranging discussion, but avoid conflict or controversy. Or you may want to stir up some controversy, but you might have some limits or principles that you don't want violated, or negative consequences you want to avoid.

There are different ways you can identify your own boundaries:

• Fill in the blanks: 'I don't mind (but not)' ('People can do what they like as long as)' For example, 'I don't mind people getting heated but not shouting.' or 'People can do what they like as long as it doesn't break the law.'
• Define the principles that you stand for. Some may be more important than others. For example, how much do you value: honesty? Accuracy? Freedom of speech? Diversity of opinion? Representativeness? Authentic Islam? Respect? Vigorous debate? Peaceful dialogue? Or anything else you can think of.
• Visualise scenes that you definitely wouldn't want to happen and then scenes you could live with. What are the differences between the two?

Then you could do some of the following as appropriate:

• Make a list of 'principles' that you follow
• Make a list of 'boundaries' not to be crossed
• Invent some 'policies'. This is a good way of creating and protecting your boundaries. It sounds less personal and more powerful to say, 'I'm sorry, we have a policy'